it's sunday...huzzah

the more i learn about he art world, the farther away from it i want to get. with its high-heeled gallery openings and up-turned noses. it makes me sick. it makes me jealous it makes me lost confused because what do i do now that i know i don't want a part of it and maybe my whole life i was meant to be a bio-ethicist and here i am drawing pictures all of the time and being more happy at painting then at anything else i've ever done in my whole life but i haven't been able to paint in years so i'm not really a painter any more am i? was it hegel who said that the true artist could never actually create a piece of art because it could never be as perfect as the creator...or something like that. maybe that's it, or maybe i'm just lazy or self-conscious or not pretentious enough blablabalblablabla i write that a lot don't i? last night i danced like i'd never danced before and it reminded me of my ex-boyfriend and how we never danced because he "didn't dance" and i'm pretty sure that's why our sex-life was never mind blowing and then i started thinking about my other ex-boyfriend and how we danced all of the time even when there wasn't any music and how it always felt so awesome and now i'm thinking i should probably stop thinking about the exes because those thought-processes always end in the same realization that no matter how much you think, none of that will change what reality is and maybe that's a bummer but i'm pretty sure it's a good thing. i wonder what my parents would think if i brought a grlfriend home for thanksgiving dinner....