Thursday, February 19, 2009

What kind of Demon would YOU like to be?

In all their glory.

If I ever had any hope of being reincarnated as a human again they have officially been DEVASTATED by existing in a communal kitchen. I have become a regular mass-murderer. And I can't say I feel all that bad about it (except when I pretend that I'm a Buddhist and then imagine what kind of low-life I'll be in the next life). I mean, do ants really count anyway? Even if we're talking plastic bags full of paper towels crawling in little black creatures slowly suffocating....mmm...the thought is somewhat satisfying. For these little guys everyday will always be The Great Ant Massacre so long as I have anything to do with it. I just can't abide the endless streams of them attacking dishes, compost, leftovers, etc. They must go. I must say, however, that I wouldn't mind sharing the load sometime. I mean, what's the fun in being condemned to another rotation on the wheel of life as a lesser life form incapable of reaching nirvana if you can't share the experience with your friends?

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Don't Send a Vegetarian... cook chicken. It just won't work. First she'll worry about the smell. "Is this chicken OK? I mean, is it bad? That's a pretty weird smell." Then she'll cringe every time she picks up a leg of raw meat (with her bare hands) and while the chicken is smoking like crazy in the over-heated pans she'll be scrubbing at her hands convinced that they're covered in salmonella. So the smoke alarms will be going off and three other people will be in the kitchen opening windows and doors (while she's still washing/scalding her hands). Finally she'll hand the job off to someone else and turn to washing lettuce.

All this after she had a hamburger on Valentine's Day and leftover chicken last night. And she thought she was doing so well...