everywhere and nowhere at all

weird how things get scrambled together and fried like this. like remembering how i used to look at his back, remembering who else has put butterflies in my stomach remembering how long it's been since anyone has and how long until anyone does. and that's ok. just odd sometimes. like my life isn't quite what everyone is always telling me it's going to be. and how "friends" sounds so easy until you realize it's just a very fine film over the roaring monster that really lives underneath. if you scratch, like i always do, you'll see how ugly it really is under there and even though the cover is creamy and a little salty like they all used to be, you'll prefer the outside to the hostility that's underneath. and who knows why it's there in the first place. it just is. it's just the way things go because once you find out who someone is and then leave them behind, we all get kind of embarassed that our secret has been discovered. so we turn beastial. and that's where we all live. somewhere between secret sharing and teeth bearing.

i'd like to unstring your knees so i can finally get my harp to sound like something important again. your tendons never did sound so sweet as when i was plucking them like this.