sometimes this piece of masking tape is all that holds me together and when i expand like yeast continents in a pool of flour and water, i threaten to escape all bounds and that's when they come for me- frightened of what kind of power i could have over you all. the initial shock is in the secrets we keep. because everyone already knows them and when the phone calls keep coming in and none of them are from who you want them to be from and they hold stupid words for you to sift through and you can't quite remember the last time you had sex because it was just that long ago (and of course because you remember almost the exact day sometime before easter it haunts you even more especially because you remember particulars like how you were face down and almost came too fast). but these things are all for a yesterday outside of time. now i will eat my mango chutney and drink my french press coffee and pretend that i am a real human being for a little while until i dive into that chaos once more.