"everytime you turn around your soul gets sold"

it's been a long time since i've felt this kind of energy surging through me- like i might tremble to the point of extinction , i might fall apart if i can't figure out where the seems are to go about suturing them up- making sure the stuffing fits in nicely- I can't hold the glue long enough in my hand to put it in the necessary places. it's all spilling out from the sides and hissing on the burning coils of heat all around and its hissing and hissing and hissing and spurting and the burns are getting in my eyes (and i wish i could see how it burns) and the burns are getting in through the cracks (and i wish i could feel how it burns) and the burns are everywhere like scabs on an old mans head- the kind that flake and you don't want to look but you're also curious as to how that happens and whether or not it will happen to you. it is this kind of energy the kind that makes me dance to songs i can't stand just so i can hear that can feel that creativity that people pour out over pianos and drum sets and her eyebrows are so tattoed there and the circles on his cheeks make me want to get lost in something warm- like maybe her touch and i want to lose myself in her lips and to feel my fingers slip into that waterfall of things i can't possibly understand because nobody makes me feel that way i want so badly to make her feel. and he kisses like there's something i'm not telling that he wants to find out. and i'm scared of the way that is- how you can just say "i like you" and have it mean something- and the other kisses me out in public and wants me to rub against him and that's all i thought it meant but this outdoor thing- where people can see- i don't know that that works for me. and the other writes me things i wish i could say aloud, and the other son't even recognize me and yet the other asks to come in when i want to go to sleep and i don't know where loyalties are and who i'm hurting and whether or not i exist in any of it- just a robotic piece of flesh making my way from bed to bed throwing my head back here, escaping orgasms there, thinking of women when men are deep inside of me, thinking of men when i'm deep inside of me thinking of nowhere when they want to look in my eyes and find something that they recognize as themselves. this is the energy that burns me now- swirling around in thompsonian wind gusts except they don't lift me up to her lips or wrap me around his jawline- no they raise me high up and then let me drop down hard hardhardhardhard when they disappear. so fuck