daddy and k

can you believe how this time has gone on. and i am stuck here alone. there has always been an opposite, always been an other, but now there is just me just me and myclean smells and hairy legs. and this is the way it was always meant to be- I think. i have twisted myself up enough to know that i don't resemble myself much at all and yet i keep referring to mysef as if it were something extant. but it is not- with you credit card in the air- it is a lolligagging sinew of neck brace that is all i have left of this false corporeal. and you smile at me like that- like you know what it is- like you know what i am, like you know that i know that i know what i am. but it is just snow in july- just my reason forging itself a new form. i will let you go. i will let you go. i don't want to hold on anymore because you are heavy and my arms are out of their sockets- have been for ages now. and you never wanted me to catch you anyway. so now it is- i will finally let you fall and we can both be all the more comfortable. you know, there was a time when i was all floral patterned icing cakes. and i had feather eyelashes and glittering somethings and i had immortal thoughts on't, my gossamer veins shone like ravers at a gang-bang and my teeth were sharp enough to cut through the metal piercing my neck. you've never felt that kind of cold, have you...it bites, i can tell you that. it bites through and through. i don't know where that small one has gotten to- she's gone by now- lost somewhere and i miss her- except in my nightmares when she comes back, cutting through my brainwaves, and I wake up bleeding out excuses. bleeding out something true.