Lest we forget the magesty that is cleveland

Santa Fe

My nephew is gorgeous. And perfect. And for some reason his parents can't seem to keep his hair combed and so he's growing a nice set of dreadlocks in the back of his hair. That's not entirely true...but he does seem to have a certain Rastafari look to him when he wakes up in the morning. He can say a variety of vowels which, when combined in certain ways, resemble words and he knows where not only his toes, elbows, nose, fingers, bellybutton reside(s,) he can also point out the same body parts on you. Very exciting stuff.

Santa Fe is lovely. Cold. There's snow on the ground (or as Lucas says "no" because he has not learned the magic sound of 's' yet). I've forgotten how dry it is up here at 7,000 ft and the first day I arrived I had a severe case of altitude sickness. The plan for the next two weeks is to hang out with the small, get a massage :), go to the Film Fest, and try to keep up appearances so I can at least try to look as stylish as my sister (the woman who has worn high heels since the first day she was able to convince our mother to buy her a pair; hiking, running, pregnant, the woman knows no bounds).

Today we will shop for yarn and underpinnings, maybe go to the film library, maybe go to the park. The world is simply full of possibilities.

5:13 pm

Don't tell anyone but I'm supposed to be working now. I always do find the last hour of work the hardest to get through. Especially when it is the 9th hour of work you're facing. After nine hours, life feels more than redundant and you feel that slamming your head repeatedly into wall of glass shards would be more appealing than making one more fucking phone call. So. I'm not working.

The sun is fading. The fluorescent light in this room makes everything feel yellow-urine stained. Not a pleasant sensation but kind of a perfect setting if you think about it.

I find that around this time of day I don't really have thoughts to share because my brain has all but stopped working. Something is percolating in there somewhere, however. Otherwise I wouldn't be tapping these keys so earnestly.

The state of things the state of things. We do try, don't we? To change things, change ourselves. Find the beauty of evolution, etc. But I think all we can ever do is circle around the same problem. We see it from different angles and trick ourselves that the different views are actually solutions. But we are really just digging ourselves into deeper holes. Right?

Maybe.

Maybe you are are beautiful. And I am beautiful and that's what means anything. But I think that's too pretty. I think the reality of it has too many loose ends to be summed up so succinctly.

I have ideas just under the skin of my pointer fingers. Both of them. Imagine. They simmer there and then die sometimes before I can even say "hello," before I can share them with myself, before they see the light of the moon.

Speaking of the moon. It is rising now. With me at my desk. Listening to music that a computer is choosing for me based on two bands that I've told it I like. And this is good. Because it means that I don't have to choose for myself, and it means that I am not all alone. At least I have some audio-accompaniment.

Then End.