It is late and I am tired

But for some reason I cannot fall asleep. Though my eyes are heavy heavy heavy. I'd like to sleep. I really would. But there is something about the size of this bed that is preventing me from doing so. It's technically not particularly large- the bed in the room I sublet is larger. But it feels so expansive tonight. I've tried making it less so. I've stretched out my arms as wide as they will go. I even rotated myself sideways to take up more room- but to no avail. There is a gaping, empty eternity over at the other side of the bed and I can't help but think of all the different ways it's been filled. The backs that I have fallen asleep to. The way someone else fits into your dreaming and the impossibility of covers when you get close to someone else's skin. How you find a puzzle piece in the other person's body and a separate one in your own and the game becomes how to somehow fit them together. I suppose it is a lonely night. How can it be anything but when you remember the people and realize that there are many you'll never see again. Is that not strange? A person whose smell you can conjure up on sleepless nights...gone from your life story now. Not that it's bad-people leave for a reason...just strange. And so that is what I find in my mind right now. At 1:30am. I can hear the pipes in the house speaking. Scumble, the cat, has positioned herself in the perfect place to inhibit me from stretching out my feet. Old scenarios play and replay themselves in my head. Names reemerge. Faces melt into one another. Places become mazes of time and Cleveland seems like a wilderness of forgotten promises. I'd like to fall asleep now. Wish me luck.